I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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