Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
