I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
