ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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