Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
