is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Your cock deserves a montage
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I believe in your delicious
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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