She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
