my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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