I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
