Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
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Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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