You can't motorboat a personality
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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