So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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