I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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