scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
