Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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