Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
