He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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