My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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