ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
