he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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