At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
