Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
