I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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