yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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