i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
