If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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