Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm really busy with my period
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