oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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