If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
