Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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