That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
