LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
