Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
