I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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