he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
