thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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