Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
