Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
