On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
