I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
