this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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