I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
