I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
