You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
