dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
