He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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