I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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