It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
