No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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