i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
