Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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