so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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