Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
