I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
