Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
