my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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