An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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