We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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