I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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