I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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