So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
