So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize