I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
