can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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