Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
