I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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